Validation. We all crave it—whether it’s a compliment, a “job well done,” or a little acknowledgment from someone we care about. But here’s the real kicker: when we rely on others to tell us we’re doing great, we’re giving away control over our self-worth. That’s why I want to talk about something powerful that I’ve been teaching my clients: a Validation Detox.
Why Do We Seek Validation?
According to the Oxford Dictionary, validation is “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings are valid or worthwhile.” And while it’s human to want to feel seen and valued, problems start when we hand this power over to others. Waiting for someone else to validate our worth often leads to disappointment and frustration because no one can truly see us the way we see ourselves.
Here’s the hard truth: relying on external validation puts our happiness in someone else’s hands. And that’s where things get messy.
Are You Stuck in the Validation Trap?
Sometimes, we don’t even realise how much we seek validation. Here are a few behaviours that might ring a bell:
• Feeling guilty about setting boundaries because you’re afraid others will disapprove.
• Overachieving to gain praise—like that little kid in you still hoping for a pat on the back.
• Struggling to make decisions without calling on a friend or family member for their input.
• Saying “yes” to things you’d rather not do because you want to be liked or accepted.
• Constantly comparing yourself to others, like the friend who seems to have it all together.
If any of these examples made you feel a little uncomfortable, don’t judge yourself. Awareness is the first step in changing these patterns, and remember, you’re not alone in this journey.
How to Start Your Validation Detox
Ready to reclaim your self-worth? Here’s a simple three-step process to break free from validation-seeking habits:
1. List Your Patterns
Start by jotting down all the ways you seek validation from others. This could include anything from fishing for compliments to avoiding conflict to keep others happy. Look at this list with compassion, not judgement.
2. Interrupt the Habit
When you feel the urge to seek validation, pause. Count to ten, take a deep breath, and hold back from asking for that approval. This isn’t easy, but it’s a habit you can break with practice.
3. Validate Yourself
The most crucial step: give yourself the validation you’re seeking from others. A phrase I love to use is, “I’ve got my own back; everything else is a bonus.” Remind yourself that you are enough, just as you are.
Real Talk: My Own Journey with Validation
I used to look for validation from my husband, especially during times when he was away. I’d feel frustrated if he didn’t acknowledge everything I was doing. But when he wasn’t around, I found myself stepping up and validating my own efforts—and that changed everything. This wasn’t about him; it was about me realising my worth independent of his acknowledgment. Once I stopped needing his validation, I felt freer, happier, and more empowered.
The End Game: Living Authentically
Imagine a life where you feel empowered, self-assured, and free from the constant need for approval. That’s the beauty of learning to validate yourself. When you do, external validation becomes a pleasant bonus rather than a necessity.
So, if you’re ready to take back control of your self-worth, try the Validation Detox. You might be surprised at how much more fulfilling life can be when you validate yourself.
And remember: you’ve got your own back; everything else is a bonus.
Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash
